Dear Love —

I stopped searching for you some time ago; you’re just too hard to find. But then, out of nowhere, you showed up in the eyes, arms and actions of someone I can’t have. How could you do this? Why would you do this? I’m angry but thankful. See, I thought I was incapable of falling in love but knowing I can — even though I cannot act on it — restores my soul. Perhaps someday I’ll be in love with someone who’s in love with me too. If not, at least I know what being in love feels like.

Thank you.

Heart drawn on fogged up window.
Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash

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In November 2020, my older brother (50) died. August 2021, my sister (48) dies too. Dad (67) died in 2018, and Mom (51) on October 15, 2001 — my sister’s birthday. Of my immediate family, only baby brother and I remain. It isn’t unreasonable that I’m afraid of dying — not just of dying young — but of dying period. My faith teaches to not fear death because we should be certain of heaven, but some days I’m quite uncertain of what’s on the other side of life. I would like to live forever because this living is all I’ve known, and I’m certain God understands.

Image by Karin Henseler from Pixabay

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A glowing leaf resting on a wooden surface.
Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Dear Life —

You are beautiful but also hard.

You are complex but also simple.

You leave me in tears just as often as you make my belly ache from laughter.

But then there are times when I’m altogether bewildered — unable to laugh or cry­ — at the twists and turns and thorns you designed for me. ‘What were you thinking?’ I ask myself.

And then, right in the midst of a storm, you paint the sky with rainbows reminding me that the sun will be there soon to warm away my sorrow and to light my path to a hopeful tomorrow.

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Percevial L. Murphy

Percevial L. Murphy

34 Followers

Writing is a practice of sharing self. I want my words to heal and and help others and me too.